If there’s one area where we see couples disagree more than any other, it’s on vows. More often than not, one of you feels strongly that you should write personalized vows, and the other isn’t great with spelling out their feelings and emotions and then reciting them in front of everyone they know. Who knew that this could be such a polarizing topic?!

If you’re strongly opposed to it, hear us out before you make a final decision. It doesn’t have to be complicated. If you look up traditional vows, you’ll see that they’re pretty basic. And if you create your own, you can follow suit. No need for the extra fluff or mushy feelings. These vows are what you’re promising to build your marriage upon. Still not sure and find yourself in the middle of a heated debate? Regardless of which camp you fall into, try compromising by reading personalized vows privately to each other during your first look then use the canned vows for the ceremony. Dare we say win-win?

For those of you stuck staring at a blank piece of paper wondering where to start, we’ve got some quick tips for you. First, list what’s important to you. What is your relationship built on already? Ask yourself what you want your marriage to look like in 50 years. Use these phrases and feelings to guide you. Once you have some loose phrases in mind, weave them together with an auditory audience in mind. Your fiance and guests will be listening to the vows you recite. They won’t be reading them. They won’t have a visual of them. Do them a favor and structure your vows in a way that is easy to digest. The best way to do this is to list all the things you’re going to vow, and start each with “I vow to…” or “I promise to…” Talk together and choose what phrase you want to use and then use the same one. This also will help the guests. 

The last piece of advice we offer is to check in with your fiance after you’ve both got drafts done. Ask how long it takes to read them. You’d hate for them to have a three minute and 40 second monologue and then you to respond with an 87-second declaration. Get on the same page and meet in the middle.